Keep It Simple – a Fresh Look at Meeting Guys

Slightly more than a year ago I wrote about the challenges I encountered with the “on-line” dating scene.  In one form or another over the course of nine years, I’d been a registered user of some sort of on-line gay service designed to allow me to meet other gay men.  Here’s a link to that blog post:  http://urbaninfill.wordpress.com/2009/03/17/brick-walls-glass-houses/

Hundreds of dollars were surely spent on these subscriptions and the results were minimal at best.  Dismal might be a better description.  When I stopped and looked at these subscriptions from the perspective of the return-on-investment I realized it was time to end them.  All of them.

I’d also written that the bar scene had become tiring and perhaps another waste of time and money.  Over the past year, the elimination and/or lessened patronage of these two traditional gay establishments left me wondering how I’d build and maintain some semblance of new social existence.

When discussing the over-all challenges in meeting interesting men with a straight, married colleague of mine, he suggested that keeping it simple was probably the best method.
“Walk up to someone that you find attractive and say, ‘I find you attractive and I’d like to buy you a drink.’”.  He went on to say that if his wife wouldn’t freak out over doing this simply as a way of meeting new people, he’d pursue this method himself.

Considering that I’ve typically been a fan of subtleties and nuance in just about every facet of my life, this ‘simple idea’ wasn’t the easiest to implement.  However, because this colleague is one of my trusted confidants, I figured I could trust him on this one.

So….in the past when I might be completely content sitting in a corner of a bar enjoying a beverage in solitude, I made myself belly-up to the bar and say hello to the people on either side of me.  I found this easier in one of my neighborhood bars because I knew the likelihood of talking to a neighbor would at least offer something in common from which to start a conversation.

And indeed, I began to meet new people.  Not for the sake of adding notches to the bedpost, but for the sake of just meeting new people.

My roommate was bemoaning similar experiences with on-line dating.  I told her that I’d removed all of my profiles and continued by saying, “If someone wants to know who I am, they’re going to have to strike up a conversation with me.”

This exact situation played out over the weekend.  I was in Chicago house-hunting and while there, taking in some of the cultural attractions.  It was a bit too early to call it a night so I stopped for a beer at Scot’s adjacent to the Montrose L stop.  With a reputation on Yelp as a solid, friendly neighborhood bar, it sounded like a good alternative to the thump and grind of Boystown.

It was Saturday night and there were only four others there, plus the bartender.  We were watching SNL and laughing out loud and bantering back and forth.  Just what one would expect from a neighborhood bar.  A few minutes later a couple more guys came in, sat down and starting chatting.

On of them bought me a beer, continued chatting and then said, “You seem like an interesting guy, could I take you out some time?”

It came across so naturally sincere that I found myself saying yes with virtually no hesitation.  He was on his way home, I was on my way home so we BP & G’d (BUMP’d iPhones and Giggled) and got in touch the next day.

Sunday afternoon rolled around and we met for coffee and strolled around Andersonville while enjoying good stories and laughter.  We talked about our on-line dating past.
“The same guys are on all the different sites,” he said.  “Essentially, you’re meeting no one because it’s the same people.”

Two guys with the same theories about on-line dating doesn’t make for a trend, but we have the feeling that guys would actually like to meet the old-fashioned way.  A beer, some conversation, a handshake and a chance to just get to know one another.

My chance encounter with a fine gentleman over the weekend helped me understand what I’d been missing and reaffirmed that keeping it simple actually works.

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