FOF #535 – How to Get Some

May 16, 2007 · 1985 views

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The desire for sex drives technology forward. Photography, film, video, Quicktime movies, online commerce and most internet technologies owe their very existence to the immediate human need for sexual stimulation. The need for faster, quicker, […]


  1. jmauro says:

    Got to say, men – aside from the guest sounding TOO GAY FOR WORDS, you get the feeling he had a blast doing it, and really appreciated how welcoming and fun his two hawt hosts were.

    PS He did.

    PPS Marc’s pics seem to have a younger Chris Noth thing going. I think I’m in trouble…

  2. Cool episode fellas. This is a really great topic that I don’t think enough people have analyzed, especially with respect for the gay community. Our world, as Fausto mentioned, has really been revolutionized (is that a word?) by sites like, manhunt, bear 411, and MySpace.

    And I love that someone has put out a book with essentially “best practices” for on-line… activities. Maybe this will finally help those people that have been on-line for years and still haven’t met anyone! That just blows my mind. I’ve met the last few guys I’ve dated through various online sites, and while there is still a certain stigma attached to it, we need to just get over that. It’s not as convenient for us GIBLETS to meet people in “the real world” as it is for our hetero counter-parts, so these on-line resources can really help and bring us together. We are the DiFFr community after all…

  3. Hi Fools,

    Loved the show. First of all because I recently ran into Mr. Mauro’s book in the bookstore that I work for and – coincidentally – already had it at the top of my read-list. Secondly, like Mr. Mauro, I got fed up with all the aggravating profiles I kept running into and wrote a how-to piece about making profiles. This went into a blog, linked from one or two of my own profiles. Immediately I got a lot of positive responses to it, so this must be something that hits a nerve with many people. Also – bizarrely – the piece got cruised by an editor through my profile and I have suddenly found myself the ‘how to’ writer about gay love and lust for a local, bilingual Dutch gay magazine. Being a slut online pays off in só many ways. I will be very interested to read Mr. Mauro’s take on online life. On a side note, I am also trying to get my glowing review of the FOF-cast into the magazine. If I succeed, I herewith solemnly pledge to buy a shirt with the proceeds (and would send you a scan of the article in all it’s bilingual glory, so you can laugh at the Dutch version).

  4. Oh I forgot to say that hearing the loungey FOF sponsored by Steamworks had me all schocked and in vapours (Geddit? Steam-vapours, good stuff, no?). Also, it’s no wonder that people are assuming that sweet ‘n sexy Jim Verraros is a ‘bottom’ when he is singing songs about feeling someone deep inside of him. Or is that – like – a metaphor? Either way – I’ve totally been there, though unfortunately not with Mr. Verraros.

  5. Maia says:

    You would THINK that I wouldn’t have much to add to this conversation. 😉 And no, I don’t mean that I’ve been lurking in any cruisey chat rooms (are there any lesbians here who have?? do tell!)…

    But the show notes really took me back… I remember being addicted to IRC chat rooms in high school. Does anyone remember that? Text-only interface. I had a Mac Plus at the time, the little beige box. You had to “ping” people to inquire if they were online or not. This was back when everyone was starting to put up a homepage for themselves, with pictures of their dog and a lot of eye-popping fluorescent background patterns.

    Our public school system was an early adopter of internet technology, because seeing as we were landlocked in the middle of Alaska, it was very exciting to be able to communicate instantaneously with people in the lower 48 and beyond!

    Those interactions were so exciting for me as a teenager — I got a little too swept away, in fact, and found myself in a long-distance relationship with a slightly sociopathic math nerd guy at MIT. (Funny, that didn’t work out. Hmm…) I can’t imagine what it’s like for kids now, with images and movies etc. It must be overwhelming. I’m not even 30, and already several “generations” have come up behind me, in terms of technology use. It’s amazing what happens when those three dimensions of distance and geography drop away, and people can connect simply in the dimension of time…

    I, for one, am so relieved to now be living in a large city with so many opportunities to meet gay and artistic people in real life, so I can take a break from online socializing. FOF being the exception, of course! How can I resist?

  6. I thank my gay stars that I found a man and didn’t keep having to go to those sites. Not because it was “bad” but because of all the rigmarole involved. “No, I don’t want to have sex with you, did you read my profile, no I don’t care how big your dick is, no I don’t want to meet you in a parking lot, no I don’t want to go to a bar so you can buy me a drink or 10”

    Also, I am a wee bit creeped-out by the advertisement of Steamworks, but hey… money is money, and congrats on getting another sponsor boys!

  7. We are well aware that gay men’s baths are controversial within the community. We support Steamworks as business because it is a safe place for gay men to explore their sexuality. We really want to be sex positive on this show and dispel shame associated with gay sex.

    We are very grateful for their support and I encourage you to visit to learn more about what they have to offer to the community. Play Hard. Play Smart.

  8. jmauro says:

    I don’t quite understand the angst about a modern bathhouse. Is it because the nature of the establishment is blatantly about sex? Well, Christ, so is every bar – they just don’t have nice sinks and clean showers for everyone. As long as safety remains in the gay mind, I tend to think the new bathhouses (based on some eye-opening Googling I’ve done) are yet one more gay perc the straight world must surely envy us having.
    Hell, I’m gay and I envy us.

  9. RIGHT ON JACK!!!! Nick Lachey needs to pay us all a visit! I really enjoyed the show today. Thanks a lot Jack. I hope that the people ‘cruising’ and chatting for connections will read the book and take the advice. By the way, the chat lingo, acronyms, etc. have been showing up in college applications and college entrance essays. WHAT A SCARY THING!!!! Too bad that courses are being taught now in elementary, middle-schools that encourage this ‘chat lingo’. Scary!

  10. I was being tongue in cheek about being shocked by the Steamworks sponsor – but it is a bit of a departure from soy candles by Pheebes and haircuts. I think the angst about bathouses is somewhat justified in that std’s can really make rounds there. And you can prevent hiv by playing safe but a lot of the other ‘lighter’ ones you can’t easily dodge if playing with a stranger who carries it. Like being online, the relative anonimity of a bathhouse seems to draw people who take less responsibility for their actions. And because you may have multiple ‘transactions’ with several people who are also doing multiples it can be like an orgy where you have no clue who just did what to whom and where what part of his anatomy went. Hard to keep track of the hygiene of it. That’s an observation based on a Dutch sauna anyway, never experienced any USA ones, so they might be better.

  11. Sorry, guys. Nick Lachey is already taken–by me. LOL

  12. Mykul says:

    Great show and interesting comments about M4M, I loathe Amazon, so I will have to see about getting the book elsewhere. As for Steamworks, good for you guys. Too many prudes in the US. I haven’t been in 2-3 years mostly because I am not going to be one of those old trolls that I used to make fun of in my younger days. I wish Americans would get over their sexuality like the Europeans.

    M4M interview was great and I need to do some editing on my profile here.

    Cheers and Hell David, if Nick is yours, can I rent him for a few hours? I don’t mind sloppy seconds.

  13. Mykul:

    I’ll see what we can work out.

  14. StevenvanL. brings up some interesting points. In the context of prevention, situation does not simply connote setting or place but also incorporates meanings people attached to the physical setting and how the complex interrelation of setting, meaning, and behaviors influences decisions regarding sexual behaviors and prevention measures. I would argue that situations influence decisions regarding sexual behaviors and risk taking and these situations could certainly be worse outside of a bathhouse setting. Bathhouse patrons and policies perceive bathhouses as situations that privilege expedient sexual release rather than individuals and over how those releases occur. While this predominant perspective impedes, it does not preclude, risk reduction. One could argue that the risks of men meeting in other venues are increased. I cant help but think of Timothy Leary’s theory about set and setting. The set is the mental state a person brings to the experience, like thoughts, mood or expectations. The setting refers to the physical or social environment. Social support networks have shown to be particularly important in the outcome of the experience.

    ps were you talking about the Thermos Night or the Thermos Day Sauna 😉

  15. Day – I went with a friend and we were the only ones doing the ACTUAL sauna thing as opposed to actively cruising. Well and I walked around the place doing some touristy sightseeing. Decided that a. Sauna’s can be a good outlet for some people and b. I am not one of those people.

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