FOF #603 – Victimless Compliments

Sep 5, 2007 · 1985 views

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Everyone likes and needs compliments. As human beings we use compliments as one of the ways to form the important emotional bonds that bring us together. But sadly, because of personal pain or past problems […]


  1. I’m a little bit in love with Amanda and her mother.

  2. Religion is supposed to be the way to happiness. Sex is the whipping boy of organized religion. Organized religion has been the most effective vehicle for hate known to man.

    Ironic, but sad.

    And, yes, Amanda is a contributor to the show. She’s very talented. I’d love to see her do animation voiceovers.

  3. Thx for the show guys really loved to hear Amandas Mom…. but Amanda any good nerd knows that Arpanet was around thirty years ago

  4. Cliff Dix says:

    I loved Amanda’s story about those “rebellious” Goth teens at the WalMart®. Also love hearing from Fannie. Thank you for another great show and letting me into your lives. It is like being with friends everyday on that long commute back and forth to work.

  5. I totally remember that episode of COPS where the clowns are picking up the hookers….I remember one of them flat out asked him, “You’re not a cop, are you?” Strangely, I never watched that show and the clown/hooker episode is the only one I’ve ever seen. I was just lucky I guess.

  6. clowns picking up hookers… because that doesn’t scream cop… sheesh.

    Great show today. Such wonderful advice.

  7. PupDon says:

    Hi guys. Once again, excellent show. Amanda, I always love your perspective on things. And I almost pee’d myself when you said “I’m thirsty and now I need drywall”. LOL!!! I love Fannie Steinstein, what a joy to have her on the show again. Thank you all for such a great show.

    I have a little rant, mainly because all this talk about insults and compliments has got my wheels turning. Fausto made some comment about not offending a porn star and Amanda replied, “Who cares, he’s a porn star”. I totally understand the point she was making regarding not worrying about insulting a subject that you don’t know and who is not going to even know that they were being insulted. But those words did strike a chord with me, since I work in the porn industry. I actually see people often making comments or actions with total disregards the feelings of porn stars and using that same excuse, “well, he’s just a porn star”. It’s not easy to be a porn star in our society. I’ve seen blogs where people post the full name and private information about certain porn stars, which puts them in very real danger of stalkers and religious right wing wackos. I’ve also seen models get really upset after having the most horrendous things written about them on message boards. I mean, you’d never walk up to someone on the street and tell them they’re so ugly they should never work again, so why would you write something like that on a message board? And I’ve known guys who will bang anything that moves and yet will snub a porn model because they do porn or even worse, I’ve seen guys with extensive porn collections talk about the models as if they were less than human. It just drive me crazy.

    Thank you for listening. 🙂

  8. Pup makes a really good point. I noticed that as well but I figured Amanda didn’t mean it that way. I personally love the porn stars of the world… well, not so much the lady ones, but I still respect them.

  9. I always love it when Amanda is on and what a treat to hear Fannie with you!

    Amanda, next time you come home to Massachusetts, I would love to take the two of you to dinner.

    I think that you are wonderful women, and your special Mother/Daughter relationship always shine through when you are on the show together.

  10. Several comments on several things in the show:

    Burger Queen was the name of a fast food chain, but I’m not sure if it still exists.

    Daniel, don’t worry too much about the fast food job. As somebody who was an employer, I know two things about most employers:

    1. Most employers have had at least one bad job, and “scheduling/availabilty conflicts” is a good reason to give for leaving this job. Just make sure that serial quitting without notice and burning bridges do not become a habit.

    2. They are scared enough about libel suits that they are reluctant to give out any information about your previous employment other than start date, end date, last position held, and last pay rate. Typically, they won’t even release whether or not you were eligible to be hired again.

    Not all Christians are against sex, Fausto. Some of US (and I am a part of that US) are quite open-minded about sexual expression in all of its various and sundry forms. Generalizations are some of the worst kinds of insults.

  11. Let me compliment Fausto and Marc:

    Guys, I love the way that you fish my compliments out of the spam bucket and put them up here for everybody to see. How much work is that for you to do?

  12. Ventura79 says:

    nice to have amanda back !

  13. bowdownza says:

    amanda’s mom has the best laugh. It is very subltle but it made me giggle a bit every time I heard it.

  14. Fausto, Thank you for raising the bar on compliments. In your opinion, how does what you outline or advocate apply to web-based communication? I would be interested to know your thoughts on whether it’s possible to effectively receive and respond to a compliment. (As an online instructor, I’m continually challenged with how to humanize a technological environment).

  15. I have a lot to say about that Red!

    When communicating online via text (this doesn’t apply to audio/video), it’s always very very important to be as clear as you can and when being sarcastic, give clues to your “tone” of voice. Emoticons 😉 are an easy way to do this, but the better way, and the way I prefer is to simply write out your feelings as much as possible.

    Write short brief paragraphs and don’t be afraid to share your feelings on the matter, but if you’re confronting someone or arguing with them, be prepared for misunderstandings to fly across the screen.

    The big problem with relying on your interpersonal communication using computers is that they don’t really allow us to form close intimate bonds. It’s like trying to give a hug over the phone. And the relationship is built more on our desires instead of our relationship with the other person.

    If someone gives you a compliment via a message forum, email or text message, give them some time to make sure they got all the words out, say thank you, and reply with a question about themselves.

    If you want to grow closer to someone online, compliments are great, but be careful the person is actually a person or able to respond. There is nothing more frustrating than to post a message on a website (like this one) about a specific individual and never seeing them respond to it.

    That’s why we always read and try to respond to every email, message and comment on our site, because our show is built on THE C-WORD!!! COMMUNITY.

  16. Oh Pup Don-

    I think people need to remember that a lot of the comments made online are cruel and mean and reflect more on the person who wrote them than the person it was intended for. As being the recipient of many hateful comments made on blogs, podcasts etc.. there are times I get so sad and depressed to read those hateful words about me.

    But then I remember I can just close the window and ignore them. Life goes on. They have the awful burden of living with themselves, I get to be me and be free.

    My advice for the porn stars is to look for ways to express themselves in a non-physical way (writing, cooking, sculpture etc..) to round out their lives. I think most of them do it for the sex, not the money. If you really want to make good money, get a job as a stock broker!

    Beauty is a burden, but a burden we all want to have.

  17. Eric says:

    I thought the compliment discussion was interesting if a little bit winded; however it did raise a good point, asking WHY it is so hard for people to accept compliments.

    Amanda and Mum were terrific! Concerning prostitutes (bad transition i know) everyone always blames it’s illegality on religion, but couldn’t it be that people’s wives have a large effect on its legalization? It is often said that women run the show behind the scenes, so could some insecurities (well founded or dubious) from women prevent the legalization of prostitution? And also could fear from inciting those responses from a spouse also then discourage any support of a movement towards legalizing it?

  18. Most sex-related issues grew out of one concern: property.

    If a man fathered a child, the child was his property and bore his name. If the child happened to be male, then the family name could be carried to the next generation and inheritance would not be a question.

    The problem came when the paternity of a child came into question. If a man was unsure if a child was his, he would be concerned about his property potentially falling into the hands of a rival, and the possibility of the family name being wiped out.

    Wives also were concerned about the possibility of having enough to keep themselves alive if they outlived their husbands. Another woman would mess with that equation.

    Homosexuality was another story, and I’ll talk about that some other time.

  19. I listen to the Feast when I walk my dogs. I have been able to control my laughter to an extent. Tonight was a pretty funny show however. It was very much my speed.

    I think my neighbors think I am a crazy guy. Well I mean they have always thought that Im a crazy guy, now they have proof. Im walking around letting out these loud uncontrolled bursts of laughter for no reason.

    Well there is a reason.

    I love your show. I think its a fantastic manifestation of who you want to be. You have smashed through a wall just like the Kool Aid pitcher in order to shine. All of you who participate. It is so easy to be like a turtle and hide in your shell. The nice thing about the Feast is that you turned that shell into a fantastic flower pot.

    Good Job.

    How do you stay so happy and fresh even on the days when you are tired?

    (how was that? I did my best to follow the rules of the compliment. I am going to practice in the mirror tonight saying Thank You.)

  20. Thank you everyone for your kind words. It really makes me feel good when you say such nice things. And Hooliganbastard, we stay so happy and fresh even on the days when we are tired because we concentrate on what we like and what motivates us. If you enter a task without reluctance, you’d be surprised at how easy it can be.

  21. RcktMan says:

    I’m late commenting, but I found this show not only entertaining but also quite informative! I have always had a hard time accepting compliments. Maybe it’s my Catholic upbringing (GUILT! GUILT! GUILT!) or the added Italian sensibility (MORE GUILT! MORE GUILT! MORE GUILT! PRIDE IS A SIN!), but I have always been the type to pass off a compliment as “it’s nothing” or “No, really, So-And-So did a much better job than I did!” The tips explained in this show were quite helpful. I’ll have to be more conscious of what I say in response to a compliment in the future.

    I loved Fannie’s laugh, too. A good laugh is an indicator of a warm soul. We can certainly see where Amanda gets so much of her good natured humor!

  22. Anna says:

    Every time I start to wonder, “Where’s Amanda? I haven’t heard her on the show in a while,” there she is! Thank you, Amanda, for coming back to the show time and time again. Your humor, joy, and geekiness are a big part of what keeps me listening. And, thank you for bringing your mom this time. What a treat!

    Fausto & Marc: I know you’re worried about money and getting to California, but there are a lot of listeners who don’t live there and who aren’t going to benefit from a meet ‘n greet. I hope that in the next few weeks, you give us a reason to donate, as well. I plan to give what I can after I get paid on Monday.

  23. I didn’t realize how old Arpanet was. My bad. Especially since Arpanet and I are practically the same age. I mean, we aren’t twins but we might have been in the same grade at school because I skipped kindergarten.

    Hi, Fructose Cornsyrup! (couldn’t resist!) I have that same one show/one episode syndrome…if I’m flipping around and catch a show I’d never normally watch, it’s the same one episode I’ve seen before. But yeah, that skinny girl who knew he was a cop…they had NOTHING on her but they wanted to nail her so bad they were willing to make stuff up. And what was with those little confetti poppers? No real clown pulls those on anyone…not while performing or in private. Even crappy clowns who would pull them wouldn’t do it outside a party because those poppers are expensive. Obviously he was trying hard to put the girls off-balance.

    I didn’t mean to insult porn stars…I was being facetious. I think sex workers in general deserve more respect. I mean professionals, not the crack hos making clowns for cops. If we have learned anything from Howard Stern, it’s that a lot of sex workers happen to be really intelligent people who’ve made different career choices. Of course, a lot of others are emotionally scarred and starved for attention and not bright enough to use their brains more than their bodies to make money. It’s like any profession…people go in for different reasons and get different things out of it.

    I’d post more but I’m falling asleep…mom and I just got back from Wisconsin, where we kayaked on the Wisconsin River, which is about 62.4% cow shit as far as I can tell. Luckily I only swamped once. Yes, it is possible to swamp a kayak. Luckily my 4-H camp training kicked in and I remembered how to empty a swamped canoe, except a kayak isn’t a canoe and the current was too strong for me to lift my kayak over the edge of mom’s kayak by myself. Eventually I remembered that it takes about four people to deal with a swamped canoe so I just walked it to a sand bar and rolled it. Also we saw a lot of great blue herons. And mosquitoes. And it was hard to tell them apart.


  24. MoocherX says:

    Listening to Fausto et al try to come up with compliments “according to the rules” was painful. Funny, but painful. Maybe it’s an American thing to be over-effusive, and accepting of elongated complimentary comments, I dunno. I prefer “Nice Ass Mate” – “Thanks, you’re hot too. Wanna f*ck?” or something along those lines even if it doesn’t have to end up with a shag 😛

    Not “Nice Ass. I like the way it fills your jeans without either leaving some of the spare material gathering up around the waist or the opposite of too much being squeezed in plus like the designer rips which add a certain sexual allure because you’re exposing the skin on your legs but not in an overtly promiscuous way and the shade of blue of those jeans really complements the shade of blue in your….” zzzzzzz

  25. Ryan says:

    Well this was definetlly a fun show to listen to (man i’ve gotta get caught up here) it was great hearing from amanda and her mother. Daniel hang in there and don’t worry at all about the stupid burger queen job those jobs are a dime a dozen and have a high turn over rate as David said, don’t make a habit of just quiting jobs but leaving a job in fast food isn’t going to affect you at all. Great episode guys keep up the good work and i really like going thru the comments and seeing all of you (Marc, Fausto, and Amanda) posting comment replies it makes me feel closer to all of you which is really nice.

  26. co_de says:

    Persecute prosecute, who knew they were synonymous ? I hope the cops know the difference. The Honorable Senator is probably being persecuted in the press, but was prosecuted for a misdemeanor. What he is supposed to have done ought not to be illegal, in my mind at least.
    On the complement side, I love your show: and I wonder how you find the time and energy, to produce so many episodes.

  27. Curtis says:

    co-de – how funny I was going to mention the same thing. Fausto has used the word persecute instead of prosecute before. I just tell myself it’s a “Faustoism”, and that allows me to tell myself it’s cute.

    I read a wonderful suggestion on a comments page related to the police entrapment issue: Perhaps instead of spending time sending undercover cops into bathrooms and parks in an effort to catch guys in the act of public lewdness, why not send uniformed police officers to patrol bathrooms, parks etc that have complaints out about “lewd” behaviors in them? This would act as a deterrent to the “bad” public behavior and not waste resources on destroying people’s lives. Sure we’d catch fewer hypocrite Senators, but why do we insist on punishing people if the desired outcome is to just stop the behavior?

    Sending in undercover cops does little to discourage future “lewd” acts, it puts all the emphasis on catching people and punishing them. If uniformed police are patrolling an area, nothing “lewd” will happen, the area will be “safe” for children or whoever it is that we are supposedly making these places safe for and the activity will stop.

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