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Advances in gay rights have brought forth a glorious new world of opportunities and healthy relationships for people everywhere. But with advances in acceptance and in medicine come new risks and responsibilities. Many sexually transmitted […]
Fausto Fernós is the host of iTunes’ #1 LGBT talk show, the Feast of Fun podcast, which he produces and hosts with his partner, Marc Felion.
Born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Fausto Fernós created the Feast of Fools in 1998 as wacky artists variety show in Chicago, Illinois. Feast of Fun grew out of an audio blog to promote the live show into the world’s most downloaded talk show aimed for gay people.
When he’s not blogging, recording or sleeping, Fausto can be found at the gym or appreciating the beauty found in nature.
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Another excellent show, guys. I really like Jim Pickett’s views on sex and living with HIV.
In many ways his experience reflects my own experiences. Although I found out only five years ago, I reacted very much the same way– down to the fact that I went right on working and finished my workday… and didn’t really ‘break down’ at all until I got home that night. Even then I didn’t get overly despondent. I knew I had to take care of myself and I set out to do just that right away. That’s probably the best thing to do in this situation: Stay strong, stay focused on staying healthy, and remember that it’s going to be okay; even when it seems like everything is going to hell.
This is essential and good education for your audience, and I’m so glad you’re bringing this message to us.
Thanks for the sugar, RocktMan. And thanks for sharing your experience too. I just want to emphasize something I said on the show and to add to what you are saying – for newly sero-converted – TAKE YOUR TIME. I know I felt a lot of pressure to sort of figure everything out right away. And ya know, I still don\’t know all there is to know 13 years later, nor do I have it all figured out by any means. It is a day to day thing. Always be kind to yourself, and especially in the beginning, give yourself a break, don\’t blame yourself (blame, shame fixes nada, hurts mucho) – and importantly, allow yourself to grieve. It is natural to feel sad, angry, in denial – to wish desperately for a different reality – you need to fully grieve the loss of your HIV negative status to be able to move forward in a strong, healthy, focused way.
xxxooo
I would have liked to call in with a question but not being in the US, it makes it hard with the time difference. Maybe I can ask it here.
How reliable are home tests? Will we ever see a time where home testing kits can be ordered over the net without it seeming like a scam? In some places it\’s not always easy to get tested on a regular basis.
Check out this link from the Food and Drug Administration (US) on HIV home test kits.
http://www.fda.gov/consumer/updates/hivtestkit012908.html
And here are a bunch of links on the great site – thebody.com – concerning home test kits. There are indeed a lot of scams out there, especially on the internet – buyer beware
http://search3.thebody.com/search?q=hiv+home+test+kit&site=thebody&seek.x=0&seek.y=0&seek=seek&client=thebody1&proxyreload=1&proxystylesheet=thebody1&output=xml_no_dtd
I am also just concerned about people finding out potentially very difficult info at home, alone, without support. If you do end up using a reputable test kit at home, it is imperative you have emotional support available, and that you are clear about your next steps if you test negative, or positive.
Jim
Snip from the FDA site on home testing kits:
\”It is important that consumers know there is only one product currently approved by FDA and legally sold in the United States as a \”home\” testing system for HIV.
This product is a kit marketed as either \”The Home Access HIV-1 Test System\” or \”The Home Access Express HIV-1 Test System.\” The kit is a home collection-test system that requires users to collect a blood specimen, and then mail it to a laboratory for professional testing. No test kits allow consumers to interpret the results at home.\”
Thanks for another informative fun and sexy show. I learned a few things I never knew.
Fausto\’s comment about young gays just realizing they are gay is so true. You feel like anal sex is what gay men do so you must do it too. I practiced with a carrot I carved into a cock shape. I didn\’t know what to do with it afterwards so I flushed it. It got hung in the drain and my dad had to call a plumber. I was there and horrified when the plumber pulled the cock shaped carrot out of MY toilet and showed it to my dad.
When Jim was talking about buying the Joy of Gay Sex at Waldenbooks it reminded me of another time when I worked at that store. An old woman had come in and wanted a book for her grandchild. She said it was a book that you put your fingers through these holes and wiggled them while you read the story to the child. I had no idea what she was talking about so I went up to the front of the store to look it up. Just then she remembered and she stood in the back of the store in the middle of the aisle shouting POKE ME! POKE ME!
i listened to the live show.. its too bad you guys didn\’t get more callers… and i finally saw the video of that PSA… they should of kept chi chi out of it all together and only had her voice playing over video clips of those hot men and the hot things they were doing with each other…or putting on condoms like you guys said.
thanks for the show Jim always puts things simply and without usual fear based zealotry
Thanks Jim for taking the time to answer my question in such detail. That info helps a lot. I appreciate it. The work you do is so important for so many people.
I hope you have fun in India. I went to university for a year there in Varanasi. It rocks. Rent a bike there if you have time. Remember the cardinal rule. Don’t eat anything that’s not fried, or pickled, especially any lettuce like side dishes or vegetables! A lot of people eat at nice restaurants and let their guard down assuming it’s clean. Stick to fried stuff and your stomach will thank you.
Happy birthday Marc and Amanda for this month and Happy Happy Valentines to All.
water-based —
thanks for the tips on eating in India. I do NOT want to get Delhi Belly. But, hey, I love traditional Indian food – curries, tandoori, etc — most of which is not fried. How will those be for my delicates? I can’t imagine eating only fried things for two weeks – very unpleasant! We are also going to Kathmandu, so if you have any sage words of wisdom about that, let me know.
Jim
Curies and tandoori are just fine. Any bread is fine. Curd is fine (yogurt). Dhal and rice is fine. All that stuff that is baked and fried at high temperatures is safe.
For example you can eat at any stalls off the street and be safe as long as it’s not raw vegetables or anything like fruit peels that are washed with water. Just avoid any uncooked vegetables. Often with a dinner there will be a side of some kind of salad or coleslaw like thing. That’s what you need to avoid.
Don’t let your guard down at expensive restaurants just because you think they must be clean.
Also stay away from anything with ice of course like a Lassi (kind of a shake like drink that’s popular with travelers) Don’t try that.
Katmandu is a different story. I’ve been there four times pigged out on everything and never gotten sick. The food there is incredible. Katmandu is the perfect place to rest from where you’re coming from and just kickback. In Katmandu I highly recommend that you stay on Freak St which is the old tourist street where the hippies used to stay instead of the new tourist area. It’s close to some beautiful temples and very quiet and cheap. Try some ginger coffee for breakfast, too!
You can take a bus directly from Varanasi to Katmandu. It’s cramped and a long haul but a beautiful trip if you want to get there the cheap way.
Chi Chi is on a rampage about bareback porn. She has threatened to sick CalOSHA, the governement agency that oversees workplace safety on bareback porn producers though applying a zero-risk standard is impossible – most straight porn is bareback, and even her films show guys engaged in behavior that is risky for STD transmission and Hep. I also think she\’s hypocritical because her company continues to market porn made before the mid 90\’s when Gay porn producers adopted condom usage as \”standard\” practice. If seeing someone fuck without a condom is dangerous to impressionable viewers (I thought we were adults) as she contends, then shouldn\’t all Gay porn ever produced without a condom be banned? She\’s happy to make her bank off of what she calls \”pre-condom classics\” even though the models in those films were at risk and were making porn in a world where there was no option to be in a video WITH condoms.
Porn is primarily titillating fantasy with a little bit of educational value, not an educational tool that happens to have titillating fantasies in it.
I think you make FANTASTIC points Curtis. Her whole argument – that gay lemmings will see bareback porn and rush over the cliff – falls flat with the \”pre-condom classics.\” After all, no one is watching those and going – oh, such a lovely historical record. They watch because it is HOT. And a fantasy.
I would LOVE for our community to talk honestly about risk. Why is it that we accept/tolerate no risk in sexual activity. And right after we get off our high fucking horse, we hop in a car and drive – a very, very, very risky act even while wearing a seatbelt, going the speed limit, and stopping at red lights.
Jim
Jim I wanna thank you for reiterating the need for two tests 6 months apart. I encounter a lot of guys that use the \”I just tested neg recently,\” as a way to have unprotected anal sex way too often. As well I encounter a lot of people who think that one test is suffice. Statistically more than 80% of newly infected will not seroconvert until between the 4th and 6th month of exposure.
I listened to this while I was at the mall. Educational and fun!